Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You very quickly find Tiny and Clip Clop.
You come across Donnie's collar.
No hints or clues or anything other than the collar are left of his whereabouts.
Someone's stolen Donnie.
What if we continue to look as we travel?
I don't think we have much of a choice.
We're running out of supplies out here, wandering through the forest.
Let's head to Waterdeep.
As long as you want to stay with us, Lex, you're welcome.
Well, let's see how things go in Waterdeep.
Do you know where your creator, does your creator have a name?
I don't know.
When I left him, I was in no condition to ask questions.
So I think I remember how to get back there.
You think you hear a noise, familiar noise.
I turn around.
As you turn back around, you're immediately faced by the image of Nularaaaa.
No, damn it!
Your hand goes to a blade, you pull it out, and you see Nularaaaa's dagger.
The glowing red eyes and they thrust up into the body of Nularaaaa in front of you.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master,
Russ Boren.
With me today is Amy More.
I'm here.
My name is Amy More.
I play Thea Amastasia and my favorite animal is a cuttlefish.
And Carla Maxted.
I am also here.
I am Lex and my favorite animal.
I mean, realistically, it's a dog.
I probably have a more exotic choice, but truly dogs.
And Toblaird.
Yeah, also here playing FlintFirebeard and my favorite animal.
It's got to be those Dankoalas.
Such a good choice, they're so adorable and so stoned all the time.
It's great.
Oh, so high all the time.
I hear when you make them angry, though, they're really angry.
But I mean, in their defense, Russ, when you make anything angry,
it's really angry.
Who's trying to make a koala angry?
Touche.
Remember how you made Amy angry during the last episode?
Yeah, I remember last episode.
Let's see how that plays out.
I don't remember that episode at all.
I've blocked it from my memory.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, there's this dagger.
What dagger?
Just a thing that's been kicking around.
Well, you know what?
If I end up with this dagger, I'm naming it Mick Dagger.
Suddenly doesn't have the dagger.
That's right.
I'm just going to pun anything you throw at me.
Yeah, that's fair.
Where we have lots of punny things.
Not that many does scare people away from it.
No, I mean, there's some.
Our stuff is much better than what Russ just demonstrated.
Yeah.
No, it's very good over there.
That was less good.
But the stuff we have over there is very good.
I'm really selling this.
Over where, Russ?
You're doing a great job.
Over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Didn't I say Patreon already?
I don't think you did, but then you kept.
So on Patreon, there's all this bonus content.
It's really great.
There's lots of really nice people.
It's an awesome place to get more stuff for a very reasonable price.
Whatever you feel is fair.
And we're for cheap people.
It's true.
We all like a good bargain.
So that's what we try to provide over there is a good bargain.
That's right.
For more bang from your buck for your buck.
What happens when you are a patron as well is you get an episode dedicated
to you like today's patron, Colter Donnelly.
You've got a super cool first name.
So the whole thing goes together.
Sounds like a celebrity name.
Oh, it totally does.
Or a high school jock.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, either one, but really the celebrity of the high school.
Now we've made up this whole backstory for you, Colter.
Yeah.
So if that's your backstory, I mean, it can be now.
It's recorded.
You could just say this is me.
Yeah.
You could just make that your ringtone.
If you want.
It's all yours.
Just clip it.
You're good.
Thank you, Colter.
You can check out more about becoming a patron over at Patreon.com slash dumb
dragon cast and see all the cool stuff.
And now.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
If we have to.
A strong start.
I see Amy is still salty about last time.
Just a little salty.
We pick right back up with Thea.
You have before you.
You have Dagger in hand.
And Nulara's dripping wet decaying body.
And she's pushing herself towards you.
With the knife in her.
She's like walking into the knife.
Yeah.
Oh, Nulara, why?
She doesn't answer.
And Flint and Lex, you hear kind of a panicked scuffling.
I don't know how Thea would be exactly vocalizing her concerns at this moment.
But you turn around and see Thea holding a dagger in hand.
Panicking.
Is it bloody?
Is the dagger bloody?
You are still in your mind palace right now.
I'm talking to Flint and Lex.
Oh, you're not even talking to me anymore.
The dagger's not bloodied.
That makes two of us, Russ.
All right.
I'm just going to excuse myself in the room here.
This dagger ruins lives.
I look at Lex and kind of look back at Thea and say,
I'll go high, you go low.
Lex is the six foot one, you're the four foot one.
That's right.
Okay, cool.
I love it.
Describe to me this scene.
Yeah, you don't know what's happening with them.
You describe to me this scene as it plays out high and low.
I take a couple steps as a bit of a run and jump towards Thea who's holding this dagger.
With both hands, I go for the arm that's holding the dagger
and I pull it away from her as best I can.
And as far as it looks to you, this is her regular dagger.
Like, this isn't anything special.
This is just her holding a dagger.
I'm going to say, you can do this.
She's not of sound mind at the moment, so it seems to you.
Can't even see you, so.
Can't even really see you.
Thea, Lex, do you do anything at this moment?
You're going low, so I heard.
I'm going low.
I think I was more there as a spotter for this amazing jump, just in case.
Like, I went down kind of like in a crouch, just in case he needed an extra heft.
Perfect.
Thea, you feel Nulara's body press hard against you
and you're knocked back to the ground.
Tell me what you do.
I probably scream.
Flint, Thea lets out a loud scream directed at you, so it seems.
Thea, you see the bile is dripping down on top of you and down all over you.
Flint, what do you do?
Well, I mean, it would be pretty obvious that she's just not looking at anything
in particular, right?
Like, she's not looking at me.
She's just kind of staring blankly.
Yeah, it's a very vacant, panicked look.
Okay, so I'll do that thing that older siblings always do,
where they put like their knees on top of your arms,
so you can't like move your arms.
And I'll like kind of shake her shoulders and say like,
Thea, Thea, wake up.
Make a constitution save.
That is a saving throw.
Well, that's only a 13.
In your vision, the dagger has been knocked down to the ground
and Lara is seated on top of you and she's like grabbing your shoulders,
not your neck or anything.
She's grabbing your shoulders and like hitting you into the ground.
And on the third or fourth hit, you come to and Flint's on top of you,
yelling down at you.
And you look to the side and you see your dagger,
just a regular dagger, and you're back in the hall at Castle Waterdeep.
Oh my god.
What?
Flint?
You're back?
You awake?
Where did I go?
You were here the whole time.
Oh my god.
What did you see?
Is you had your dagger out and you were just kind of staring ahead
I don't know what was happening there.
Oh, you can get, you can get off me.
I'm think I'm fine.
Oh, right.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry.
Hard to breathe.
I help her up.
I, I thought I heard something so I turned around
and when I turned back kNulara was in front of me
and I had her, that fucking dagger.
Oh, the one that, that made her, right, right, right.
That one.
Yep.
And I, I stabbed her with it.
And then all this black goo came out of her mouth
and then she was on top of me and slamming me into the ground.
And oh my god, it was terrifying.
I think she's pissed from beyond the grave that we lost Donnie.
Is this, I mean, did she say anything about Donnie?
She didn't say anything.
Oh, okay.
That's very unsettling then.
At least in your previous dream, she'd been saying things to you, right?
She didn't say anything.
Just barfed black gunk everywhere and.
At this point, a few people have kind of come out of different rooms.
Oh man, I've made a scene.
Are looking and some of them are like, is everything, everything okay?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, we're fine.
Just a little, just a little day tears.
Don't worry about it.
Oh my god, day tears.
Okay.
If you need anything, please just call.
Yep.
Yeah.
We'll do.
Maybe we should ask Arvid about this too.
I was just going to say maybe this, I mean, this cannot keep happening.
In the day.
No.
Well, I mean before, at least when they happened at night, we knew that they,
it was a possibility then, but this is a whole, this is a game changer right here.
Good.
We, what we needed, our plate was not quite full enough.
So.
Yeah.
Just keep, it's like when you go up to the buffet
and you can find just a little more room on the plate.
Oh, please.
There is a Faerun all you can eat buffet.
Of course there is.
100% there is.
You guys have probably definitely been there.
Oh, definitely.
Probably.
I mean, I seem to remember other characters going to an all you can eat meat place.
It's true.
Yep.
Lex, you just, you just, you just watching?
I think so.
Okay, cool.
That's fine.
These aren't people I know well and there's something real crazy going on.
She's talking about her dead friend.
I'm going to go now.
You guys are fine.
We cut to the three of you bursting through Arvid's door.
It opens.
So you try and-
Is it a pneumatic?
A little bit.
He's got an upgrade.
He's not there.
Arvid!
Is it still like the pharmacy kind of place?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
Yes, it is for, yes.
For Lex, it is a, a very sterile white pharmacy.
The step up behind you, as you call out Arvid, you hear a bark and his dog runs out.
I bend down and I go, hi puppy.
Arvid, you hear footsteps follow in behind and he, you hear a, oh, you're home.
Hi, Arvid.
A dog.
Dog?
Yeah, a dog.
A dog.
Like a dog?
No, no, no, like dog, D-A-W-G.
Like dog, a dog, that's you.
I missed your colloquialisms.
Working on new words.
That one didn't work out very well.
But hey, at least you tried.
Welcome home.
You brought an interesting friend with you.
Oh yeah, this is, this is Lex.
Hi, I'm Lex.
Pleasure.
It's, I think the pleasure is all mine.
And I hold his hand just like a little bit longer than is strictly necessary for shaking.
Oh my, friends, forever friends at last.
I like your new friend.
Cool.
Arvid, we've, we've lost Donnie.
I mean, Leosin told me you had but one job.
No, there's always multiple jobs.
Also, it was a big thing here.
And I hand the collar to Arvid and say, can you do anything?
Can you somehow use this to find him or give us a clue to start looking in some direction?
Yeah, yes, yes.
Let me, let me take this to the group of, of fine wizards who do sort of location.
He kind of waves his hands in the air.
Like you just don't care.
And let's see if we can perhaps find Donnie.
You don't necessarily need to be part of this, but I can report back to you.
Is, is there anything else you require?
Um.
I have something for you.
Oh, go ahead.
Keep going.
I can hear from the other room.
Okay, this is an awkward thing to scream.
So I'm having day terrors about killing Nulara.
Why?
I don't know.
No.
Seems like something you should figure out.
Okay.
Flint?
Yeah, I mean, it'd be good to get to the bottom of that.
Plus, uh, now Ross, you said Leosan was going to help out with the other thing.
Callum Shan finding someone who's down there.
Yes.
Yeah, Arvid was to locate Donnie and now night terrors.
Perfect.
Maybe he can have something to slow down your scaly scales.
Footsteps.
Yeah, that'd be good.
You hear his footsteps coming back and he's got a small box that he has in his hand and
night terrors are a terrible thing.
I used to have them once before.
Oh, no, no, no.
She's got both night terrors and now day terrors.
This is a new development.
Oh, sorry.
Yes.
Did you say day terrors?
I couldn't quite hear you from the other room.
You told me you could hear me from the other room.
I have very good hearing.
Of course you do.
Look at those beautiful ears.
They're so well formed.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Just clean them this morning.
I can tell they look really great.
I kind of look at Thea with a little like, check this shit out.
Weirdo on weirdo action here.
I like it.
There's someone for everyone.
I'm sorry.
I am not a dreamologist.
What specifically do your terrors bring you?
Sounds like a sully job.
Totally.
I was just going to say, what do your terrors bring you?
Let me think.
Fear.
Wow.
Also, I'm in a completely different realm.
I can't see my friends.
Yeah, she goes kind of like catatonic while it's happening.
Interesting.
Have you had any run-ins with any mind-altering substances?
No.
Yes?
No.
I usually pause for effect and then usually the true answer comes out from my patience.
Well, I mean, I've smoked a little bit of weed,
but I don't think that's mind-altering.
That would have to be a lot.
Mood-altering.
A lot of weed.
Yeah, no, it's not that much.
Yeah, you've never heard of that.
Listen, in that dream, I was stabbing Nulara with that fucked up dagger that she had.
You have things you need to work through.
No, I think that that dagger is somewhere.
Like on your person?
Have you checked your pockets?
It's a pretty big dagger.
I look in my bag of holding.
I do that fun thing where you have a small bag and it's obviously smaller than your arm,
but then you put your arm like way down into the shoulder.
You call for the dagger and it does not rise to your hand.
Okay.
Well, I don't have it, but it's like, Flynn, do you know what happened to that dagger?
Did she have the dagger in her hand?
She had it on her.
Sorry, is this the same dagger Nulara was having concerns about that I was?
Yes, the murder, murder dagger.
Murder, murder dagger.
The murder, murder dagger.
Two murders.
Also, if this is like a long game for us to get our characters into therapy,
I'm all for it.
Mental health is important in D&D and outside of D&D.
They've been through a lot of really traumatizing events.
Sorry, yes, it's the same dagger.
Yes, it's the same issue, different issue,
less precise because you don't have the physical dagger.
So you say...
Well, this isn't habit.
This is a new wrinkle.
I thought perhaps I tracked down who the owner of the dagger was,
but probably not them.
Well, who did you think it was?
Oh, a lich out far east.
South?
They way, no.
Everything can't be in the same direction.
That'd be too easy.
There was rumors of a dagger of epic power capabilities.
Murder, murder.
Murder, murder came along with it being that it is a dagger.
Every time he says the word dagger, I look at his crotch.
I fucking love whatever's happening here.
Yeah, I'm on board with everything that's happening in this room.
This is so great.
Are you trying to be sneaky about it or are you just doing it?
I feel like they're all pretty involved in their conversations,
so he's kind of being sneaky about it.
Roll a stealth.
Well, because yeah, I mean, straight up, he said dagger like 12 times.
I rolled a nat one.
Nat one.
It doesn't matter.
Are you like four inches away from his crotch now?
You think you're being super sneaky, but it is very obvious.
Flint and Thea see Arvid stop and pause between things that he's saying.
Dagger.
Then he looks down to see if perhaps he has something on his coat.
He's like, no, that's clean.
Oh my.
So where was I?
As much as I want to explore what's going on here.
Okay, so it sounds like this dagger is a me problem.
I'm telling you, I had been working on it since Nulara first brought it to me.
Yes, and where is it now?
Well, not the dagger specifically, the lore behind the dagger,
because the dagger was nowhere to be seen once possessions returned to Castle Waterdeep.
There were strict instructions for someone to destroy the dagger, but it was not here.
It's fucked up, man.
Okay, fine.
If you find anything out, please let me know about the dagger.
Of course.
And maybe you can, I don't know.
Well, I did have something for you.
Hold on.
Oh, right. I totally forgot.
Yes. One moment, please.
New implementation.
He goes over to a big wall where you see a bunch of tubes,
puts Donnie's collar with a scroll rolled up inside of it,
puts it into the wall and closes the door and it goes.
I'm always about a pneumatic, too.
That will go to the wizards and I shall check on them momentarily.
They will.
Surely, if Donnie is within this realm, we will find him.
Thank you.
And now for the present.
He hands it to Thea.
Sorry, Flint and Lex.
This is just for Thea.
Like he said Lex, so like sultry.
Lex.
I open the box.
Inside you see a smaller box.
Inside of that, another box.
And then a bigger box.
Somehow magic.
I mean, he's a wizard.
It's amazing.
You see an amulet.
What color is it?
Turquoise.
You see a turquoise amulet that has
carvings around the perimeter of it.
You look closely at it and they are of weaponry and shields,
rough images of people in battle.
Oh my god, Arvid, it's so pretty.
I saw the color and it just said Thea to me.
Like you thought of me?
Well, in a sense.
But like it didn't actually talk to you.
I mean, doesn't everything talk?
Well, no, because what I'm worried about is that fucking dagger does talk to you.
When I say dagger, do you look at his crotch?
No, but I'm like just like so unhappy about this whole thing.
He's giving you jewelry.
Like I guess I've really like thought maybe I thought maybe I'd met someone special.
It seems like I really misread the relationship the two of you have.
This is for I can't even remember.
I'm so distracted by your friend who's now staring dagger eyes at me.
Oh, this is flirting.
This is the first time flirting's ever happened really on this podcast.
And it is weird AF, my friends.
I am loving it.
Oh my god.
Okay, so does it do anything special?
Oh, yes.
Okay, good.
Good to know.
I'll just figure it out on my own.
No, I can tell you.
Unlike the last one where I didn't tell you what each of the potions did because
that was fun.
Rufus here had to go out.
I've renamed him.
I can't recall what I named him previously.
It's an affliction I have.
I can't remember animals names.
It's very specific affliction.
I'm working on it.
The amulet is an amulet that will help you during combat.
As you see around there, it might have given a clue.
It will allow you to move a little swifter and provide an extra
drive into your opponents.
Out of game, it gives you an extra attack.
Oh my god.
Is it my birthday?
What is happening?
You guys.
Totally made up for me probably getting that fucking murder, murder dagger.
No one said you had it.
Yet.
Just don't ask Russ when he was originally supposed to give it to you.
Fuck off, Tom.
Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to have this earlier?
Maybe when we were fighting Tiamat.
Maybe we'll talk about this in the down time, which you can go check out at
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cats.
Yes, this is not over.
Marital disputes happen over there.
Come join us.
I really, you know what?
Nothing makes me more happy to maritally dispute something is when I know that
a bunch of other people are listening in with their own thoughts, feelings and judgments.
Anyways, back in scene.
Arvid, thank you.
What is this for?
Well, I told you it makes you move faster in combat.
No, I mean, why did you, why do you have this present for me?
Oh, well, I might have been supposed to give it to you a while ago,
but it's no time like the present.
This was supposed to be given to me before Tiamat, wasn't it?
Hey, who puts timelines on such things?
I mean, the important part is, is that you have it now.
I have it now.
Thank you so much.
And I will, and I take it out of the box and I put it on.
Do I have to say anything like, Amulet, go.
Or like, on.
You don't have to say anything, my dear.
It's just, you just must first spend some time with it, get to know it.
I slip it in my bra.
Okay, yeah, that's, that's perfectly fine.
You must attune yourself to it and then, whoop, extra attack.
Will it make that sound?
If you do, each time you make the extra attack, yes.
Do I get a bonus of some kind?
If I remember to use the Amulet.
You may be granting your enemy a disadvantage
if you catch them off guard with the boop sound.
That's just a fancy way to say if I, if I have a sneak attack.
Well, Arvid, thank you.
I, I really do appreciate it.
Of course, of course.
Now tell me your, your story, sailor.
Carolyn's not expecting that.
Also, Flynn, you're not getting your cream for your rash.
And I move over and just like, take a closer look at your Amulet and we start like.
Did you just like.
Talking about.
Look down my shirt by any chance.
Because she did say.
Oh, okay.
Well, we're close.
They're very snuggle.
Yeah.
Well, I'm about to go on a very long journey.
Really?
To the Baldrick Mountains.
I just laughed and fogged up my glasses completely.
Yeah, I'll be leaving probably tomorrow.
Leaving town tomorrow, so.
Oh, such.
I guess it'll just be my last, last night in Waterdeep.
Such a pity.
The Baldrick Mountains are very far away.
Yes, yes.
I have to go find my.
Father?
Question mark?
Well.
More my.
Creator.
Intrigue.
Yes, I have many fascinating stories to tell.
Well, once you have wrapped up for the day, perhaps you.
I would have some things that would help you on your journey.
You could come back and and visit.
That's very kind of you, Arvid.
I will be back.
Later today.
Excellent.
Okay, then.
Are you two?
Ready or is there?
Oh yeah, no, I'm totally ready.
I said thanks Arvid and I'm like walking out.
So.
Arvid.
Arvid, hey.
Well, I thought maybe with the jewelry, something.
Oh, no.
Was happening.
Arvid and I are just pals.
Okay.
They got off to like a weird start.
It was a whole thing.
I mean, so did we, but like in a good way.
Oh, I could feel it.
Yeah.
The word electric comes to mind and dagger for some reason.
Yeah, what was with that much more sexual now than it was before.
So where are you two off to now?
You need to.
Get the fuck out of here so you can hang out with Arvid.
Get supplies or yeah.
Yeah, lots of stuff to do.
We gotta go do that stuff.
So I'm gonna go get in tune with my amulet maybe.
Gonna go hit up the smithy.
See if I can work on anything.
You have fun there Lex.
Well, thank you and thank you for getting me out of prison all those weeks ago and for.
For everything.
I really wish you luck finding Donnie.
It's a real tragedy.
If I see him or hear any word of anything about him on my journey, I'll send word to you.
I guess this is goodbye.
I guess it is.
Can I, and I like put my hands out for a hug.
Like, can I?
And I, of course.
Yeah, hug it up.
Hug.
Yeah, I want to end on some of this hug action too.
Tall person, tall person, crotch level.
Yeah, he's four feet.
He's slightly above crotch.
Slightly above crotch level.
That's math.
We have a nice hug.
Interlude, interlude.
This is a completely original interlude song.
Don't sue us, Dosnie.
It's gonna be okay.
Welcome to the middle everybody.
How you doing today?
Super great episode where we totally resolved all the things you wanted resolved.
Tune in next week for more.
But first.
When Russ puts us back in a maze.
Where we all have really great stories where we reveal a whole bunch of really
great things is over on our other podcast.
Which is called Facing Fate.
Did you know we had another podcast you might have?
Because we mention it sometimes.
I knew.
I also knew.
I had not heard that.
Hearing this for the first time?
Thank you to two of you for paying attention to what we do.
Just kidding.
I know all about it.
I listened to the last episode.
And by listen to the last episode, I mean I skipped through all the scary parts.
Because I wanted to hear the end.
With her fingers in her ears.
That's a little teaser about the content.
It's pretty scary.
It's kind of spooky.
It's okay you guys.
It's okay.
So Facing Fate.
We're just going to give you the elevator pitch now.
We want you to go listen to it because we're so very proud of it.
The first season.
Every season is going to be different.
Set that up there.
So new characters, new story, new everything.
But the first season is on the moon.
What?
So sci-fi.
It's got thrills.
It's got scaries that keep Carla up at night.
Especially when we were playing it.
Because I'd leave it on real good cliffhangers.
It's like based in the real world.
So we're playing real people.
Except, you know, all the horror sci-fi stuff that isn't quite real.
But we're like all human people.
Yeah.
That isn't real yet, Roz.
Isn't real yet.
Yeah.
No.
There's a lot of foreshadowing in here that if it comes true, we might be in trouble.
Or we'll know exactly what to do.
Oh, that's true too.
Yeah.
So if you want to know what to do in the near dystopian future where we're living on the moon,
go check it out at facingfake.com.
Or just search for it on your podcast app of choice.
Or just click the link down in the description.
That's easier.
Go click the link down in the description.
All the episodes are out now.
You can binge it and get ready for season two.
Only 10 episodes.
Can you even believe it?
And if you join us over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
you get early access.
As soon as we start recording and getting all the season two stuff out,
you get it before everybody else.
It's one of the joys of joining the Dumb Dragon Productions crew.
I find it amazing we were able to tell a story in just 10 episodes
because it took us more than that to get out of that maze.
Yeah.
It took you seven episodes.
It feels like longer.
It took you seven episodes.
Seventeen episodes?
Are you missing some letters?
Seventeen episodes?
Yeah.
We're not even going to get into this because this will be a whole other interlude.
Go check it out.
Facing Fate.
Search for it down in the description
and then visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
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The three of you part ways.
Flint and Thea, I assume you have rooms here.
I just assume we just have standing chambers.
Yep.
Yeah.
I would assume there's some sort of quarters.
For the decimators of dragons.
You head there to go rest, clean up, get whatever you need sorted.
I got to rub the smell of sex off of me because of what was going on in that room.
I'll wash that off.
Lex, where do you go and what do you do?
We don't have to necessarily go there.
Maybe you do other something before we close the scene on that.
I don't want to seem desperate.
No, yeah.
He said later.
Because you said later tonight and then like you turn around five minutes later
and you're like.
It's later.
So I.
Ditch those losers.
I feel like I've been traveling for a long time.
So maybe I go like clean up somewhere.
Gussy myself up.
Sure.
Yeah, absolutely.
I don't.
Is there bath houses?
We ever done that before?
I don't know that I'd get a room in an inn because I feel like I might have
somewhere to stay tonight.
Whoa.
Sure.
Yeah, there's yeah, bath houses.
Sure.
There's that you go clean up and you are I mean you get some looks
because of your self.
Yeah, yeah, because of the whole thing going on.
Giant modeled skin held together with stitches, you know, that whole thing.
And then you head back out.
It's kind of around.
Yeah, it's probably I don't know how.
How long does it take to use a bath house?
20 minutes an hour.
I don't know.
Say an hour for.
I have a drink.
Maybe I eat some food.
I don't know.
You soak in there.
Have a steam.
You take your time.
You get cleaned up.
You head back out into the streets.
You're headed back towards Castle Water Deep when you hear a.
What sounds to you like a cry for help down an alleyway?
Well, I go see what's happening.
You run down the alley and turn a corner and you see three men kicking down at someone on the ground.
What are you?
Hey, what are you doing?
And I like run towards them.
They hear you yell out.
Look up and say, let's get out of here.
Go, go.
They run off.
They keep running down the alley.
Do you pursue or do you stop at the person they were kicking in?
How does the person look?
Doesn't look very good.
It looks like they've been.
They are currently unconscious.
Blood is dripping pretty much everywhere.
They look very bad.
Then I will stop.
You see the three run away and you kneel down towards the male who's dressed in.
He's dressed in commoners' clothings.
He doesn't look like he himself is very well off.
And he kind of coughs as you do what you do.
So I'm going to kneel beside him and try to see if I can tell where he is most injured.
Just with like a cursory kind of pat down or it's maybe obvious.
Sure.
Yeah, you check him out and his rib cage has been almost entirely crushed in.
He's got large goose eggs and welts across a couple of spots on his head.
You can tell he's got a broken arm at the very least.
Possibly a broken leg.
Okay.
So I'm going to put a hand on his head and then one on his midsection by those crushed ribs
and I am going to channel lay on hands and try to heal him.
So you put your hand on his head and his midsection and then describe to me again
your process and what it looks like as your life force transfers into this man.
Sure, and so this is a bit more intense than when it was just
what I tried, like that kind of basic trying with Flint on the wagon.
So hand on head, hand on midsection, eyes closed, like my full concentration.
So totally vulnerable at this point to anyone who might want to attack me.
And I sort of just gather what feels like, but of course I don't see this,
but like feels like a pool of yellow light in my chest that I then like channel out
through my hands into this injured person.
This energy leaves you and you feel below your hands, the bones begin to crack back
into place and the muscles begin to pop back where they should be.
It's a long process and you yourself begin to feel his wounds almost beginning to transfer to
you. You feel strain on your ribs and head and limbs as you are doing this. Do you continue?
I do.
I feel like once I am in this state and I have maybe never been this deep into this state before,
it is the pain of what is happening to my body is sort of happening like
outside of my awareness or I'm like somewhat aware that it is happening,
but really I am just concentrating on this yellow light.
The energy continues to transfer into the man. Perseus sensing that things are happening,
climbs up and out of your pocket, runs down your shoulder and to the ground and
you can't see him, but they are looking back up at you.
And the man takes a deep breath. You feel that breath as
the man's wounds have entirely healed.
The energy stops flowing and you feel yourself crumple to the ground beside him.
Perseus rushes to you
tending to some of the wounds that have opened up in your own body. You open your eyes and you
look down and the skin has begun to peel back at the seams of where your limbs and
various different parts come together worse than you've ever seen them before.
I think that I would just like, you know, this is my very best friend in the whole world,
Perseus, and I just kind of like stroke his back and say like, it's okay, it's okay,
I'm okay, and maybe even try and give him a little of that soothing energy that I
shot Leosin in that handshake earlier, so which is just like the tiniest lowest level
feeling just to calm him.
You lay with Perseus and this man in the alleyway for quite a while until you
hear footsteps walking up the alleyway and you sense them come up behind you
and you feel yourself being picked up.
The man, you look down, you see him, he is not conscious but he is completely healed.
He's got blood stains on his clothes and on his skin but you can tell that you have brought him
back from death where he would have been. You look to the side and you see Arvid
and he picks you up and walks back with you to his office.
We'll get you cleaned up here.
I told you I'd see you later.
That you did.
We go back to Flint and Thea who are back in Leosin's office and he says,
well, we do have someone down in Calum Shan. I almost forgot where you were going.
You're jet set individuals, aren't you? Calum Shan, that's where we're going.
Yes, still want to?
Yes, absolutely.
I just thought you were going to say it.
I like the element of surprise. I'm working on my delivery. Too much?
No, you're doing great.
Great, perfect. I mean, it's a new look for you.
I was told that I was too by the books. I had to be a little bit more of a storyteller.
You've been going to like Toastmasters and stuff?
Yes.
God, nothing kills a conversation like bringing up Toastmasters.
Sorry, Toastmasters, sorry about that.
Yes. Here's the thing, Calum Shan, very far away. The person you are going to meet,
they go by the name of Yenbul. Might get the pronunciation wrong,
not entirely sure, but that's who we are aware of.
Yenbul?
Yes, Y-E-N-B-U-L, Yenbul. We'll find out when we meet them.
So you have not met this person?
I mean, it's been a while since they've been here. I'm only super new here
in the grand scheme of things.
So yes, mostly written correspondence since they've been down there quite a while.
Now, Calum Shan, like I said, very far away.
There are a couple ways we can get you there.
One is by teleportation, quick, simple. We can get you into Calumport, which is the capital,
where Yenbul is supposed to be. We can tell them, send ahead of you to meet you,
and then hopefully figure out where this temple, where the temple is.
Hopefully, it's very obvious. I'm thinking it might not be.
Option B,
option B, oh, hiccup with the teleport, getting you back.
We don't have quite the same system set up down there as we do here,
so you'd either have to figure out, find someone down there who could teleport you back,
or we could send a ship down, pick you up, bring you back.
Option B, you take a ship down all the way,
and then take the ship back. Depends what you want to do.
I'm just giving you the options. Well, I think time is of the essence.
I say, teleport down, ship back up. How long does a ship take?
Several weeks. Yeah, okay.
So instead of several weeks times two, it'll just be several weeks.
Some people are very anti-magic, which is why I have to give both options.
I know you two are really cool. Can we not do it both ways?
No, it doesn't work the same way in Kalisham.
Just because we don't have the same network set up down there, you would have to specifically,
or you and Yen Bull, maybe Yen Bull knows somebody, that is an option as well.
But you would have to find someone who could teleport you.
Okay, gotcha.
But we would send the ship to be sure that you have a way of getting back.
Not just left on your own devices.
Could take us a few weeks just to find the temple, so.
Very well could.
So if that's all we can send you down there,
Arvid says they're trying very hard to track down Donnie,
but it's turning up not so fruitful so far.
We will send word if we find him in your absence.
Very sorry.
We'll find him.
Yes. The fact that we can't find him is good, because it means, well, I mean,
it's not good. It's better. It means he might not be in this realm, this plane.
And that's good for us?
Well, it means he has a possibility of being alive. You know, Monk Should's Cat?
What?
Oh, you know, Monk Should's Cat.
Monk Should's Cat.
Yes.
Like Monk Should Cat?
No, no, no. Like the famous wizard Monk Should.
The famous wizard Monk Should?
Yes. And how he posited, if I have this magical box, and I told you there's a cat in it,
but you don't know if there's a cat in it, the cat is both alive and dead in the magical box.
Right.
So Donnie is both alive and dead in this magical plane.
In another plane. Whereas if they had found him...
Would be either...
We would know.
Yes. Exactly. I'm just saying. Monk Should's Cat.
Monk Should's Cat. Perfect. I will write that one down.
He probably should, because I don't remember him.
I'm going to look into Monk Should, see if maybe he can come to a seminar on some such...
Well, I don't know if he's still alive, but I mean...
That hasn't stopped us before.
Fair enough.
Is there anything you need prior to leaving? We'll assume that you've got all like basic
stuff. You know, you've sharpened your weapons, you've got your food, rations,
clothes, whatever you want.
All that stuff that other people do in D&D, but we just assume is always
magically taken care of.
Is there anything, any specific questions about Callum Shan that you might have?
I have, you know, tersary knowledge.
What's the weather like? Hot? Cold?
It's very desert-like. Very hot.
Okay. Any wild animals that we might not find here that might freak us the fuck out?
I mean, there are, you know, regional monsters, regional, that sort of thing.
There are a great amount of gins and genies that you, I'm told, should be wary of.
Okay.
They're mischievous, is the lore that they send back,
that people don't trust them very much.
So don't put all our eggs in their basket.
You might not want to put any of your eggs in their basket,
but especially not all of them.
All right. Are these Callum Shanians?
Kalashites.
Okay. Sorry.
Do they worship any particular gods?
Um, not in particular. Nothing, nothing. No.
Okay, cool.
Nothing in particular.
What you'll find down there is they are,
because they're such an ancient civilization, they, they're very,
you'll find a lot more magic usage down there.
Nice.
So, being a bit more commonplace, the rumors you hear down by the docks
is that everyone and their, and their dog owns a magic carpet.
Lee Olsen, what are you doing down by the docks?
These are the rumors that make it back to me.
It's just, if you hear-
Clean cut guy like you wouldn't last five minutes in the docks.
This is why I don't go down to the docks.
I just-
Okay. Well, I would also like to have a magic carpet.
Well, um, that's just the rumors that they're very magical.
They, they, they all just treat it as a normal thing.
And perhaps you should too.
Desert-like, there's some jungles, depending on where you go,
it's mixed, it's very large.
So, you'll run into a whole bunch of different things,
depending on where you actually have to go,
where Yen Bull thinks that your temple is.
Okay. Well.
And with that, he takes you down to the teleportation chamber,
where you've been before.
I alter self, khaki shorts, tank top, gossamer cape.
Is there a time limit on your alter self or you just-
No, I can just alter self.
Okay, cool. Perfect.
It's just a fun thing I can do now that I'm so supes powerful.
The cape is a nice touch.
Flint, what is your, your attire?
Knowing that it's a desert locale, what is, how does Flint dress?
Yeah. I mean, I guess he's going to have to steal a page from Merle and go beach dwarf.
Okay, cool. Sandals, flip flops.
Oh, flip flops, Hawaiian shirt.
Well, actually, no, like those-
No, go gladiator sandals.
Active sandals. Yeah.
So you can like go out and climb rocks and stuff,
but still have your feet out.
I like it.
So we'll go with those.
Tommy Bahama style Hawaiian shirt.
Yes.
And not cargo shorts, but like big shorts.
I look over at you and I go, fucking tourist.
You're going to blend in marvelously. I can ju- both of you. I can just feel it.
Perfect.
All right, wizards. And you step into the teleportation circles and the wizards begin
their incantations and the runes begin to glow and you begin to fade.
And I shout out, tell Arvid to use protection.
You just see a very confused look on Leo's face as you snap out.
And there is a flash and a rumble and an explosion.
And you are thrown hard against the side of a building.
The intro song, Nowhere Land, is by Kavin MacLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Christian Brown, Creighton's Raven, Devin Michaels,
Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden, Joshua Dixon, and Cat Waterflame.
To find out more how you can support Dumbs and the Dragons,
visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
The bile is dripping down on top of you and down all over you.
Flint, what do you do?
I'm emptying my water skin slowly.
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